There are mugs and merchandise that read: “#1 Dad.”
I really don’t know why.
Cuz, everyone’s dad, isn’t mine? So, why would they have the need to buy a lie for a gift?
Me? Biased, no!
Actually though, not fluffin’ shit up or anything, my dad is amazing.
He is an upstanding person. His reputation speaks for itself.
You don’t even have to know him, to know, he’s one of the greatest.
When my friend Rick (before I knew him) visited the Bahamas on business, people bombarded him
with praise about “Louis Chan.” He was so curious as to WHO this man is…
WHO is this person, who so many from all different walks of life hold in such high regard?
I am almost everything my dad, mainly in heart and principles…his deep devotion to the Catholic Church?
Not so much.
I fight to hold back tears as I write this entry.
(Major fail, by the way)
As I worked on the pics, even worse.
Where does the time go?
How’d it go from this…?
To the present?
32 years is a long fucking time, but where is it?
Within the recent years, I’ve been trying to make up for lost time, but it’s not the same.
I really wish I could get some time back, somehow, but I know I can’t and that kinda sucks.
I don’t feel like we’ve had enough TRUE time.
I don’t know how to explain that description…but, our “youths” were lost, apart. I guess you can say.
My parents were too occupied with their businesses and social obligations when I was younger…
then, I went off to boarding school and afterwards got lost in the world.
I have only recently come back and to the realization of, “FUCK. My dad’s in his 60s!”
Both him and my mom still look so young, so that’s the deception in it all.
Being asian, on TOP of hair dye.
(Shhhhhhh. Don’t tell ’em I told you.)
Seriously though…I always tell them, if they’d allow their hair to grey, I’d be
“gentler” on them.
Meaning, I would be able to see their age and most likely appreciate our time MORE.
Strange how appearances can effect our approach. No?
If my parents had grey hair, OMG. I’d freak because “reality” would reveal itself
and I’d be reminded of their fragility and depleting time.
This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents.
It makes me smile.
When I look at younger pics of me, I feel a sadness.
Sadness because I look at a picture of a girl, who grew up too fast?
Who’s childhood I can hardly remember.
A picture of someone who’s missing GAPS in her life.
It’s like I went from 13 to 32. Where’d I go?
(I wish I wrote this LAST year, then it’d be 13 to 31. Symmetrical and following my
“13” theme this year)
I also see the sadness in what my parents must see/feel.
I know I’m not what they saw in me…
or thought me to become
and I feel bad for them.
It’s like I killed their hopes and dreams of whatever they wanted me to be
by being me.
I am such an accomplishment in so many eyes, but in my parents’…especially my mother’s
I feel like a disastrous mistake and disappointment.
Maybe that’s why I don’t take praise well, or accept it at all
because there are only 2 people in existence who’s opinions I care about.
I gotta be ME though, ya know?
And I know “ME” ain’t so bad, so I’m not changing just because they were “programmed” in their
own views of what’s “GOOD” and worthy of praise.
Acceptance doesn’t take away the sadness/emptiness though.
Our humor’s pretty much spot on too.
I got lost in the world, then absorbed in the fast life, afterwards I got sucked into “love”
other times arrested by drugs, then there’s my “save the world” obsessions…
when the world I should be concentrating on, has a population of 3.
My parents and I.
It’s weird though, life. It’s like a race against time to fit everything in, yet
have the time to treasure the most important in it.
And sometimes we get so focused, or lost, that we don’t see the gifts
we are presented…that were always there to reach for.
The Chan’s, including extended family, have always been about “hard work”
and “education.” I’ve always been about happiness, smiles, love and play.
Nothing much has changed today. I feel, life’s too depressing as is, might as well
sprinkle as many sparkly moments as possible.
I make “fun” money, not “slave” money. For the most part, I always look for fun ways or
enrichingly challenging ways to make money.
With the projects I get into…
CASH is usually ALWAYS the smallest reward I get out of it.
I’m not motivated by cash, I’m motivated by experiences and results.
Yesterday, I was planning on heading down to Kenya and then South Africa for June/July
after I finish up with Europe…however, I think it’s time to go home again.
If the world vanished and all I was left with, was my mom and dad, I’d be fine.
If my parents vanished and I was left with the world…
I’d be destroyed.
So home I go. All my tickets and hotels have already been booked from Estonia down to Turkey
and back here to Amsterdam…
if it wasn’t for that, I’d already be home, celebrating with my dad.
Travel has been both a blessing and curse.
It’s shown me “reality” instead of fabrications and has kept my mind and heart
open to all.
But, has taken away a lot of time from those I love the most.
I have so many around the world in my heart but in the end, my parents are my top…
and I need to keep reminding myself of it, as I get sidetracked into “the rest.”
I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!
See you SOON!
Pics below, thanks to David Mackey.
Facebook has been awesome in that it helps me keep tabs and see what my parents are up to.
I love seeing pics of them both. MOST are just of my mom out partying…
But, the ones where my parents are together and enjoying life…
I love the most.
(Just FYI friends, snap away for me please!!!)
When I look at this picture, all I want to do is JUMP in it and give my daddy a great big, strong hug.
This pic, also David Mackey’s caught my attention.
Look how the guy’s stare just beelines the crotch.
Right, ta ta for now.
Enjoy your Tuesday…………
David Mackey’s website: