Category Archives: Insomnia

Happy Birthday to My Moldovan Madam

Since asking you to marry me on March 12th and warning you I don’t bite, it’s been a journey. A perfect flowing symmetry with surprises and amazing discoveries around every corner.
Even though religions are pretty whacked…
they do have a core basis of truth when it comes to life:


Like us, today.
As you mentioned…
(age-wise *cough*)

Within this short time I believe you know my ins and outs
better than many who have been in my life for years.

This can all be in part DUE to our insomnia and the mutually late hours we keep.

 You once laughed at how quickly I became someone’s muse…
then I, not as quickly, became one of yours.
And you, one of mine.

Funny how “life” works huh?

Speaking of muses…
I just did a calculation which brings 13 into play today!!!
I’ll privately message you that one.

Serendipity and circles.
It’s like today reconnects the “whole.”
You’ll see.

Maybe we have too much time on our hands.
What do you think?

I was initially thinking of getting you a subscription to Netflix
for your birthday, but then thought
you were gifted with ME…so, what else could one ask for?


From castrating missions, to pirates,  to virgins and everything in between…
from today and for the many to come
I, as we always seem to say, with everything
you want and desire wish you:

“Good Luck With THAT!”


I hope I can continue the path of giving you smiles and boning your mind.
Which may be on the difficult side nowadays as I’m sleeping more
which in turns seems to have zapped the energy in my brain.

Or, maybe it’s just my multiple personalities
switching shifts?

I never know with them.

(Yes, I stole this off google. Couldn’t be arsed. You know I’d do so much better. Hence
why I wanted to reveal the “lie” before it was discovered.)


En route to DETOXIFYING…………Mind, Body, Soul and all that other good stuff.

I flow with my mind and my body.
If it says, drown yourself in copious amounts of substances, I do.

If it says, FEED me. I feed it when possible.
If it says, get out of bed and go run on a treadmill at 3 o’clock in the morning…
well, I’ll be running on a treadmill, again, when possible…at 3 o’clock in the morning.

If it says sleep, I sleep.
If it says I don’t want to, I don’t.
Unless I’m just being lazy, to where I’ll then push my non-desire away.
I flow with what comes naturally and everytime I’ve done that, I’ve been blessed.
I can’t explain my mind to you, but the closest people around me MIGHT be able to
give you SOME insight.

 I do things crazy fast, and crazy efficient, but well. I take multitasking to HYPER speeds.
Unless, I’m stuck in a droned-out “depression.”
Which I take, as it is. Before I used to try and fight my way out…now I just allow the swings to come as they will.
I embrace them, and in turn, they embrace me back.
Tiz a sweet balance.
(I DON’T BELIEVE IN MEDS…to LOVE your mind – or anything – is to accept the good and the bad.)

I find my “down” stages are when I just need a break from the world.
Some “ME” time. Time to reflect, chill and be mindless.
Mindless, is good. Not mindless, without-direction activity…
but just “being” without outside forces combating your silence.

Think of it as the buddha-like meditation pose without being in the buddha meditation pose.

You don’t NEED to take your shoes off, pretzel-up your legs and make humming noises
to “ZEN OUT.”

Your mind needs to reset or else you fall into bad decisions because your “engine”
is being over worked and your thoughts become shady.
That’s if, some even THINK for a living.

Here’s my natural ebb and flow at the moment.
All my body’s craving is THIS.
Fruits, veggies, nuts, water…ONLY the good stuff.

I don’t wanna take in dairy, so I’mma finish off my last yogurts and then stop.

I was a vegan for 2 years back in the day.
I want to go back.
(It’s for health and for the animals)
I became one after picking up a pamphlet in NYC.
Was out with my vegan gf at the time at a vegetarian restaurant.
The pamphlet was: 101 Reasons to be a Vegetarian
(link at the bottom of blog incase you wish to read)
I had a flight out the next day, back to the Bahamas. 2.5 hour flight, nothing to read
EXCEPT my pamphlet!
Got off that flight, bought some proscuitto (last meal, one of my fav things) and stopped eating
COLD turkey.
I started again after watching a different gf GORGE herself in front of me.
She’s brazilian-dutch – and slender, one of those who can eat, not workout and never gain a pound – grew up in Portugal and London.
We met in boarding school and got together 10 years later.
(She was actually my first)
(She raped me of my “innocence.”)
So, when we went to the US, like most foreigners…
she “enjoyed” the food.
It started with Denny’s. Breakfast is one of my favorite meals.
And, one of my favorite things was the Denny’s Scram Slam.
My obsession started in Tampa when I was 17.
It’s not on the menu anymore, but they still make it on request.
It’s an omelet filled with all my favorite goodies.
I’d have it whenever I’d go to Denny’s, which wasn’t often. But I used to get that.
While we were in Florida, we’d go to Denny every morning
** we were there for 2 weeks or so **
(as it was right near where we were staying, plus…it’s DENNY’S! Mmmmmm.)
I’d sit and drink my coffee and just watch her.
Finally, I caved in and had a veggie omelet.
And like a drug, or sugar, or alcohol…it creates a reaction in your mouth, mind and tastebuds.
Eggs, are not flesh, but they are a form of something “living” in a way.
Ya know?
And from there…the flood gates opened. I became not only a meat eater…
but a meat LOVER.
But as with everything, once you ween off, your body doesn’t desire it anymore.
Like sugar, alcohol or smoking…
once your body gives it up, you naturally don’t desire it because of the way it reacts with your body.
When you start it again though…the memories flood back and you get pulled right back in.

I’ve been consuming more flesh than I should and too much alcohol lately.
(I tend to get lazy and fall off the bandwagon especially when I bounce around without pause.)
Which essentially = life’s outta control no time to breathe
Right now, I’ll take a break…as I said, I’ll STOP eating animals again…

once I’ve tried everything on this earth that’s currently being eaten.

China’s a big one to eat my way through.
But, like with my traveling…I just need to do my checkoffs.
Been there, done that…and move on.

Soon the majority of my travels will be done…
and then, I move on to the next sector of my life.


Whatever that may be…but…

I have a pretty good idea of what it is.

101 Reasons to be a Vegetarian:

A cool way to “zen” out. I have his on loop. My friend Diana shared this yesterday.
Sweet in visuals and sounds. Check it!
It helps structure my thought so it isn’t bouncing all over the place.
When I need to focus, that’s what I do. Find a song that “speaks” to me and play it on repeat.


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Testing out my SUPER Powers in Rotterdam

Still having a bit of trouble controlling my fireballs.
But, in my defense…there was quite a breeze out that night.

This was outside the Pathé
on the night we got stuck with the movie Safe House.

I didn’t want to rush my Thai dinner, or the bottle of wine we ordered,
So, just left it to whatever movie was available once we got to the theater.

I slept through the first 20 mins.
Woke up…and wasn’t impressed. I shoulda slept through the whole thing.
At least, my time woulda been better spent.
Twas a lotta bang, bang, fight scenes and blood shed.
And notta lotta substance nor an interesting/captivating storyline.
It was as if it was Denzel’s last ditch attempt to honor the movie count in his contract or something.
Sad he had to take the cutie Ryan Reynolds down with him!

This was my initial idea with the lights outside the theater.

However, it turned out looking more like a Subzero Mortal Kombat move.

After the movie, I suddenly got an earth-shattering headache.
I discovered a bump at the back of my head, right where the skull meets the spinal cord.
I began to dig at it, breaking skin even…
As the skin broke, my friend Rick muttered: “What the fuck?”
Apparently he saw a glowing light of red shining out through the ripped skin and blood.

Got back to the hotel, sliced a clean cut where the bump and light were…
and this is what we yanked out.

My guess is that it’s a mind-controlling anti-sleep device.
Maybe I WAS abducted at some point?

Last night, I got a full 4 hours sleep…



When Life Beats You Down, DRINK!

So. Ever since I arrived here in Holland I have been on a phenomenal high.
Glorified’n’extended manic episode?
Well, it got a little knocked yesterday. Yesterday was the first day in a week where
I was…sad.

Sad, with a heavy heart and knotted mind.

Amazing how shit like that just zaps your energy and your being.
The happiness of the ones around me is directly related to my actions and contentment with life
and I have a friend that’s going through a lot of shit at the moment and there’s nothing I can do about it
and that kills me.

I don’t know where I get this “Mother Teresa” shit from.

I seriously feel I was born to “save” cuz it just comes naturally.
To bring happiness, hope, justice and strength to the ones around me
is not a decision, it’s more like breathing.
A must.
My favorite accolade to date, is an award I won, year after year when I was little.
“Friendliest Student Award.”

 ha ha ha

I don’t remember what made me so damn friendly I got awards for it…
I just have the certificates to prove it ever happened.

Had plans with my friend from See Me See You
and invited the boys to tag along.
While waiting for her to pick us up, I had a Bloody Mary.
Too much blood and not enough Mary.

Seriously though, tasted like luke warm tomato juice.
Wonder if he forgot the vodka?
Thank God for the shrimp/prawn crackers…
they helped bring a little joy to my moment
while my beverage lacked its luster and left much to be desired.

She took us to an sushi restaurant she used to work at.
Presenting the successful “picture dodge!”

Made me think of my momma…cuz she loves squid.
(Daddy too)

Anthony had a friend in his coffee.
Apparently, he was down in the dumps too.
Or, maybe this was just my reflection.

Hit up Bed Rotterdam afterwards and got me a port.
(Dunno why it’s called Bed cuz there wasn’t one in sight. Cock tease of a title!)
Closed that bar down and ended the night at Coconuts.
(At least I think that’s where we were. NO I wasn’t too wasted to remember…)

At the end of the night, me and my “brother” Anthony got some much needed talk time in
and the dark cloud that hovered over me for most of the day
floated away.


I increased my sleep time by 30mins last night.
Or, should I say, this morning.

2.5 hours sleep. I feel the difference!
I know, for the most part, why the extra NO sleep.
It’s cuz I wanna be around and chat up my folk in the US…
and also be around for the folk around me, here in Holland.

So…what does one do?
Keep chuggin’ til ya can’t chug no more I guess!!!!!

Chooooooo chooooooooooooooo!!!
Gotta keep the train on the tracks and moving as long as the steam is available!
My friend Desda says, I can’t be human.

I’m starting to believe, maybe she’s on to something!


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Strippers, alcohol, insomnia, the devil…and chicken?

Stats at 4:30am yesterday.

My dear, sweet, amazing friend…who’s wife’s getting in the way of our friendship…

Got these for me, for Christmas.
Just getting them now. SOMEBODY who was “HOLDING” them for me…
drank one.


But funny. Cuz he’s a lightweight, drank one of the golds (9.4%)
and was like, OMG. Those are TOO strong.
Grow some BALLS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(And to the “other” one…thanks for the prezzies and I miss you)

Was looking online to order some grub…
and got a chuckle outta this.

I tell ya.
Only in the Netherlands can you order up chicken to come to your room and strip.

34 mins ago, I had the HARSHEST craving for my Starbucks Soy White Chocolate Mocha add whip and cinnamon. Like, deathly I’mma pop outta my skin and decapitate someone.
Possibly even a PUPPY if one so crossed my path.

 Well, ok. Not the puppy.

I haven’t had a desire like that, in possibly EVER!
Probably cuz what I want is usually always accessible.
That’s one biggy I’ve had to get used to here in Holland.
Shit closing…and shit I just can’t get.

A true test of strength.
I tell ya!

After freaking out, asking around for another type of coffee shop opened late…
contemplating an hour mission via trams and trains to Schiphol airport (but found out that one closes at 10pm)

 and taking into serious consideration, a possible flight to NYC…
I’m not a Starbucks addict, in the least. It’s more like a little treat I find myself wanting every
now and again. This was just a random…mouthwatering just by the thought…
I WANT moment.

I’ve decided, Baileys, while not the same
would quench this crack-like desire.

Heading down to the bar!
Cheers all.

Cheers to satisfaction.
Ahhhh. To smile again.


(And yes, I know what you are thinking…coffee…for the insomniac. I’m wise and intelligent, but I never said I don’t make idiotic decisions.)


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Posted by on March 4, 2012 in Addiction, Happiness, Holland, Humor, Insomnia, Travel


Come. Take a walk with me………………..

A mini snap-a-holic burst came back into me yesterday.

Twas really nice to have the delight of a clear, open, fresh mind that allowed
inspiration to attack her from all corners as each step took me to another during my yummy little

Visual inspiration and I, it seems, have been on a “break”
a little lover’s disconnect. However, yesterday we were together…holding hands like we’d never
been apart.

Sorry about the quality of the pics.
I only had my iPod with me.

Pics on this site are a mix of iPod, digicam and DSLR.
Can you tell?
I have fallen prey to the simplicity of compact electronics.
My poor DSLR. Yes, I have to admit, we’ve had good times. I just can’t be bothered to CART
your massiveness around anymore.
I hope the spark that was once lit between us, returns someday.
Never doubt what we had. I’ve still got the greatest love and appreciation for all that you are. K?

The arrows stood out to me for some reason.
Like numbers to John Nash in a Beautiful Mind.
Maybe the lack of sleep is finally starting to kick off the hallucinations.

With french fries eaten with mayo being such a popular dish…
you’d think the Dutch would be HUGE.

Had to visit the ATM already.
Another 500 Euro. **AAACK**
My bank account is in USD, however I like to keep my mind set in Euros
cuz converting just gives me mini heartattacks that I so don’t need!

A nice, nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
(HA HA what happened above? I just passed out for a second)

Another pedophile zone.
(my silly little interpretation of the sign)
Apparently, according to Anthony…this sign means keep your children under control.
Don’t let them run freely, etc.
I dunno though. Little alley way, big man, little boy…

For some reason, I’m always drawn to take pics of the train sign and clock.

Couple caught my eye.
Really cute.

Decided to catch up with them to snap a closer pic.


I keep passing out.

Am I actually going to get some sleep!?!?!?!!?


Ciao for now.

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Posted by on March 4, 2012 in Art, Holland, Insomnia, Photography, Pictures, Travel


Cum Loudly? Or Laude? Shabu – Boo boo, Latin Lounges and My Reality Show Princess

Cum Laude??

Yo Kay.
“With Honors” driving school?
Cum loudly?
(misspell maybe?)
Advert for sexual gratification?
Holland’s corrupting my mind.
Oh wait. It may just be the other way around……………

Remember this pic?
Well yeah. We’z be “people” now.
Reserved a table yesterday.

One problemo?
This ISN’T a shabu-shabu place (Japanese hot pot – origins trace back to the Chinese hot pot known as “shuan yang rou” See? Ya’ll like to say the Chinese copy everything?
Well shit, we just getting back at everyone from stealing from us FIRST!!!!!)
Pay back’s a bitch, eh?

It turned out to be nothing other than a damn All You Can Eat sushi place.

(Not recommended)

Frog leg thighs?
Cuz, I’m pretty sure I ordered chicken wings.

Is it just me?
Or are these things tiny as hell?

Twas one of the only drinks with an “AD” space on the menu.
**thinking of my wifey**
(And how unhealthy Coke in general is)

Now for the movie portion of “Dinner and a Movie” night.
(On 2 hrs sleep. I swear, I’m beginning to accept that I’m truly NOT human)

Current calculations?
It’s 10:30AM right now. That’s 144.5hrs from the moment I woke up in New Jersey
headed to have some lunch and drinks and made my way to Holland.
In total, I’ve had about 10hrs sleep. Total.

My brain just doesn’t want to shut off.
I probably could’ve passed out somewhat early yesterday evening…
but I didn’t wanna be a “canceler”.

(Yes, I’m just sweet like that)

Oh wait, add (maybe) about 30-45mins for my nap in the theater.

No cup holders.

When I got into the theater I was like, “Ummmm. That screen’s kinda on the small side.”
At 82 inches my tv at home seemed bigger.

Then, after the commercials, the screen widens.
Ah. ONE improvement of the evening.

Went to go watch Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
I fell in and out of sleep watching the original.
Nothing much changed with the newer version.
(I’m pretty critical of movies. If one keeps my ADD in order, half the battle’s won)
Movie was too damn long, slow and drawn out…for me.

I’d give it a 10% likability rating.
5% cuz I liked the motorbike
plus the thought of taking 2 billion euros from a corrupt asshole and using it to battle the ills of the world.
(Sorry if I ruined anything for ya)

I only watched it because a few friends thought it was “so me”

Look what I found April!
There’s a reason WHY you can find Yankees gear, worldwide, and NOT Red Sox.
The rest of the world, thankfully…has taste.

Oh look baby. Thinking of you again.
When ya comin’ ta terrorize Holland with me???

This was my FB status last night:
“Is up for some silly sibling adolescent behavior w/her bro Anthony tomorrow in Rotterdam. Peter Pan style!!!! Never grown up!!! We’re in Neder Nederland!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

To this, my sweet, beautiful, crazy, awesome friend Princess Inge popped up and told me she’s
in Amsterdam for press stuff. She has a reality show.
Nederlandse Hollywood Vrouwen.
which translates to Dutch Hollywood Women.

She was made for TV.
Definitely a character! ha ha

She’ll be here for a few weeks…so, a DEFINITE face to face is in order.
Finally! I don’t have to tune into Youtube or the internet to see ya!!!!!

When I found out about her show, I checked some of her vids.
I don’t know if it’s the same when you don’t know the person…
but man, I was crackin’ the hell up.
Always funny to see friends on tv.


I’m gonna need some of my Dutch buddies to translate the dialog.
Can’t exactly plug audio into Google Translate.

I swear, it’s insane how many damn Dutch I have in my life, not even knowing they were Dutch.

See you soon sexy mama!!!!!

DJ Project feat. Giulia – Nu
A Romanian tune that I currently loop multiple times throughout the day.
I’m really diggin’ it.
Check it out.


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