Category Archives: Death

Beautiful Music. A very well-done, yet heartwrenching look into reality…


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Meet Afghanistan’s NEXT President!!!

Afghan Parliament member and NOW declared Presidential candidate…Fawzia Koofi.

She was initially condemned to death by her own family for being born female
(She should’ve KNOWN BETTER! Pssssht!)
and she’s already had a few assassination attempts.

In 2014 she plans to run for President…the very same year
that all foreign troops are supposed to withdraw from the country.

I wish you well Fawzia.
Evil doesn’t take well to those wishing to change it.

RIP Benazir Bhutto


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Happy Birthday to the BEST DADDY EVER!!!!!!!!!

There are mugs and merchandise that read: “#1 Dad.”
I really don’t know why.
Cuz, everyone’s dad, isn’t mine? So, why would they have the need to buy a lie for a gift?

Me? Biased, no!
Actually though, not fluffin’ shit up or anything, my dad is amazing.
He is an upstanding person. His reputation speaks for itself.
You don’t even have to know him, to know, he’s one of the greatest.
When my friend Rick (before I knew him) visited the Bahamas on business, people bombarded him
with praise about “Louis Chan.” He was so curious as to WHO this man is…
WHO is this person, who so many from all different walks of life hold in such high regard?

I am almost everything my dad, mainly in heart and principles…his deep devotion to the Catholic Church?
Not so much.

I fight to hold back tears as I write this entry.
(Major fail, by the way)
As I worked on the pics, even worse.
Where does the time go?
How’d it go from this…?

To the present?
32 years is a long fucking time, but where is it?
Within the recent years, I’ve been trying to make up for lost time, but it’s not the same.
I really wish I could get some time back, somehow, but I know I can’t and that kinda sucks.
I don’t feel like we’ve had enough TRUE time.
I don’t know how to explain that description…but, our “youths” were lost, apart. I guess you can say.
My parents were too occupied with their businesses and social obligations when I was younger…
then, I went off to boarding school and afterwards got lost in the world.
I have only recently come back and to the realization of, “FUCK. My dad’s in his 60s!”
Both him and my mom still look so young, so that’s the deception in it all.
Being asian, on TOP of hair dye.
(Shhhhhhh. Don’t tell ’em I told you.)

Seriously though…I always tell them, if they’d allow their hair to grey, I’d be
“gentler” on them.
Meaning, I would be able to see their age and most likely appreciate our time MORE.
Strange how appearances can effect our approach. No?

If my parents had grey hair, OMG. I’d freak because “reality” would reveal itself
and I’d be reminded of their fragility and depleting time.

This is one of my favorite pictures of my parents.
It makes me smile.

When I look at younger pics of me, I feel a sadness.
Sadness because I look at a picture of a girl, who grew up too fast?
Who’s childhood I can hardly remember.
A picture of someone who’s missing GAPS in her life.
It’s like I went from 13 to 32. Where’d I go?
(I wish I wrote this LAST year, then it’d be 13 to 31. Symmetrical and following my
“13” theme this year)
I also see the sadness in what my parents must see/feel.
I know I’m not what they saw in me…
or thought me to become
and I feel bad for them.

It’s like I killed their hopes and dreams of whatever they wanted me to be
by being me.

I am such an accomplishment in so many eyes, but in my parents’…especially my mother’s
I feel like a disastrous mistake and disappointment.

Maybe that’s why I don’t take praise well, or accept it at all
because there are only 2 people in existence who’s opinions I care about.
I gotta be ME though, ya know?
And I know “ME” ain’t so bad, so I’m not changing just because they were “programmed” in their
own views of what’s “GOOD” and worthy of praise.

Acceptance doesn’t take away the sadness/emptiness though.

Our humor’s pretty much spot on too.
I got lost in the world, then absorbed in the fast life, afterwards I got sucked into “love”
other times arrested by drugs, then there’s my “save the world” obsessions…
when the world I should be concentrating on, has a population of 3.
My parents and I.

It’s weird though, life. It’s like a race against time to fit everything in, yet
have the time to treasure the most important in it.
And sometimes we get so focused, or lost, that we don’t see the gifts
we are presented…that were always there to reach for.

The Chan’s, including extended family, have always been about “hard work”
and “education.” I’ve always been about happiness, smiles, love and play.

Nothing much has changed today. I feel, life’s too depressing as is, might as well
sprinkle as many sparkly moments as possible.
I make “fun” money, not “slave” money. For the most part, I always look for fun ways or
enrichingly challenging ways to make money.

With the projects I get into…
CASH is usually ALWAYS the smallest reward I get out of it.

I’m not motivated by cash, I’m motivated by experiences and results.

Yesterday, I was planning on heading down to Kenya and then South Africa for June/July
after I finish up with Europe…however, I think it’s time to go home again.
If the world vanished and all I was left with, was my mom and dad, I’d be fine.
If my parents vanished and I was left with the world…

I’d be destroyed.
So home I go. All my tickets and hotels have already been booked from Estonia down to Turkey
and back here to Amsterdam…
if it wasn’t for that, I’d already be home, celebrating with my dad.

Travel has been both a blessing and curse.
It’s shown me “reality” instead of fabrications and has kept my mind and heart
open to all.

But, has taken away a lot of time from those I love the most.
I have so many around the world in my heart but in the end, my parents are my top…
and I need to keep reminding myself of it, as I get sidetracked into “the rest.”

See you SOON!

Pics below, thanks to David Mackey.
Facebook has been awesome in that it helps me keep tabs and see what my parents are up to.
I love seeing pics of them both. MOST are just of my mom out partying…
But, the ones where my parents are together and enjoying life…
I love the most.
(Just FYI friends, snap away for me please!!!)

When I look at this picture, all I want to do is JUMP in it and give my daddy a great big, strong hug.

This pic, also David Mackey’s caught my attention.
Look how the guy’s stare just beelines the crotch.

Right, ta ta for now.
Enjoy your Tuesday…………

David Mackey’s website:


Posted by on April 17, 2012 in Death, Family, Life, Love, Motorcycles, Photography, Pictures, Travel


R.I.P. Peter Rose

Your sun has finally set and blanketed its last rays upon the waters of the earth.
No longer struggling or suffering, but at peace
and this is where one must pull happiness from while living through the beauty of the life you left behind.

I can’t even remember the last time I saw you
but I can still hear the sound of your voice, like you are speaking to me right now.
It’s crazy to think, how many years have past from the days I’d rise before the sun and
join you out at sea.

Fishing was your life, and you shared it with me.
Out to sea’n’back then off to school.
Fun times.

 And man, what an AWESOME tan I used to have back then.

I thank you for the trips…
the knowledge, the time and the experiences I will never forget.
Our win at Walker’s Cay.
My “Largest” dolphin catch
and my “Youngest Angler” award.

You’re existence is definitely one of the prized building blocks that make me who I am today.
Thank you.

Rest in Peace my friend.
Always and forever.
Cara xoxoxo


Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Bahamas, Boating, Death, Fishing


Leapt to her death over a broken heart.

March 4th was the last time she heard from her…
until last night. She decided to call her lover out on the neglect
she was undergoing.

She was presented with her laughing her fucking ass off followed by excuse after excuse, from the object of her love and affection.
The last message she sent out:

“Save it for the next one.

damage is done.”

 From the coroners report, she watermeloned her way down to
the concrete, seconds after.

When investigators searched her apartment
they discovered:
“I hope you’re happy”
written on the walls with a thick brown substance.
One guy thought it was Nutella.
(Details of HOW the Nutella was later identified and labeled as human feces remains
to be released. Let’s just say someone’s lost the taste for all things chocolate.)

The heart’s a delicate thing folks…
play nice

cuz gravity doesn’t!
(Was it worth it Celine? Was it??? WAS IT!?!?)


Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Creative Writing, Death, Humor, Writing


Hannah’s Gift – A NOT to be MISSED READ!!!

This book was written by my very dear friend Maria Housden.
I’ve bought and given it out to many of my friends.
It’s an AMAZING read.

I had it on one of my trips to Mexico…
didn’t put it down.

(Which, in regards to books, doesn’t happen often)
My ADD doesn’t allow for one line of sedentary writing.

Hannah is Maria’s young, highly spirited daughter who lost her battle with cancer.
Read the book.
Most people avoid it, because of the subject matter thinking they can’t handle it.
However, Hannah’s enchanting personality will capture you and lighten up the darkness of a parent’s
most distressing loss.

A movie on the book is currently in the works.
I can’t WAIT to watch it.

Gonna go read the book again.

GO get the book!
Hannah’s waiting for you!


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Posted by on January 26, 2012 in Art, Books/Reading, Death, Movies


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“Deathly” Chinese New Year – Another homicide in New Providence

Nassau, Bahamas…our capital has been on a downward spiral of crime.
Violent crime.

A friend of mine doesn’t even venture outside of their house after dark.
It’s getting REALLY bad.
And with the dropping economy, things are only going to get worse.

On the Eve of Chinese New Year…
the owner of a Chinese restaurant, after celebrating with family and friends

was shot and killed.

He never carries cash on him, all he had was a cellphone.

So, a man, a father, a husband, etc.
is dead now
and the only “gain” was a fucking cellphone.


Sucks to live in a world where our freedom is becoming more and more of a fantasy.

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Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Death, Injustice