Glowing firefly squid.
My favorite things. LIGHT and BLUE!
Cara’s Ultimate HappyLand!!!!!!!
I started my day, with Armin…which made me think, “Huh, wonder if he’s on tour.”
He IS and is PERFORMING in the NETHERLANDS TONIGHT!
But it’s sold out.
he is playing in Frankfurt May 4th.
Will you still be in Germany love?
And if so…wanna go?!?!?!
(If Anthony doesn’t manage to find tickets for tonight, that is.)
Or, fuck it. Maybe I go to both!
I’ve been in a zone for the last couple of days. Staying mainly inside myself.
In my head. Not really saying much and not wanting any other energy around me but my own.
Today, I went through my friend list on Facebook.
Since I’m in Holland I wanted to tag people, time appropriately for the early AM hours.
I haven’t been down my friend list in a while. When I had more time and energy…
I’d periodically go through it so I’d remember people and write to them if I hadn’t heard from them in
a while. I don’t want people to feel forgotten or unimportant.
However, with all the traveling, the list just grows and becomes quite overwhelming.
Anyhow…what’s COOL about Facebook now is people that DELETE you or put their accounts on hold
I love that, cuz if someone removes themselves, I want to know WHO it is.
I’m very vocal on FB. I speak my mind and my actions (what I’m doing at the moment)
which is mostly for entertainment, but some tight-asses take it to offense.
Sometimes it’s too much for people to stomach, but it’s kinda sad though.
Cuz, it’s ME!
So, if you aren’t accepting what I write or say, then you don’t except/appreciate me…
and that “kinda” hurts?
But whatever, I can’t let that get me down. It’s just rather, “blah” cuz I love and see the brightness in all
of my friends and see our differences as a part of us being individuals.
And you know what? The friends that I’ve lost along the years, through stupid Facebook…ha ha ha
are the ones I’ve known the longest, but who…I guess, never knew the real me?
Or have never had it IN their FACE as loudly as Facebook can provide.
It also gets to me, that the sexy bikini pics and sexual matter I post gets SOOOOO much more attention
then when I put my time, heart and soul into entries that I feel can “make a difference”
Anyways…that entire SPIEL was to explain my status update for today.
I also saw new pics of someone who came off as so amazing, in heart and beauty
who now, is a fraction of the beauty I saw in her, cuz of the inside I’ve discovered.
Crazy how someone can go from a 9 to 3 after you get a taste/knowledge of their rotting cores.
I have many model friends/acquaintances/beautiful people in my life.
I find it sick how just because of the package on the outside, people are willing to over look things and
bend over backwards for someone.
And, the opposite…as well. If a person sees a bum, or someone fat, or someone ugly…
they outcast them. They don’t allow the time to see what’s on the inside.
EVERYONE has a story.
EVERYONE has some kind of struggle…whether small or large…
and I feel a lot is lost by just using ones eye to see the shell and not the soul.
Or in my case, the silliness and playfulness (what some deem as immaturity) before the message and the heart.
There’s so many depressing things in life, I’m sorry if I try to make the light of what I can and LAUGH!
OK. I’m going to shut up now.
If the majority of the world would take the time to see beyond the surface, instead of losing themselves solely in what’s before them…they’d see the poison in some of its flowers and the beauty in some of its thorns. Open your eyes and don’t get lost in the mirage. You’d be surprised at what’s really there.
This morning, I was playing a set by Armin van Buuren.
(My all time, FAVORITE DJ)
If you don’t listen to the whole song, cuz maybe this isn’t your kinda music, just jump to mins 2:28.
I don’t know if it’s all the ecstasy I’ve consumed in my life…
but this kinda music really goes right down to my bones.
If I close my eyes, it’s like jumping into a wave then riding it to shore at sunset.
It reminded me, of my days in Tampa when I was 17.
17, on my own and having the TIME of my life.
Getting into every and anything that curiousity presented to me.
(Nope, things haven’t changed much since then…however, I’m finding less and less things
to actually be curious about, since I’ve almost done it all.)
** Which leads me to my lackluster status **
Which is a good thing, cuz now without distractions…I can give myself to worthier causes…
I was mind-locked in Tampa til I headed out to meet my PT/PA/buddy Rick for breakfast.
Guess what happened at breakfast?
One of the songs, that just SCREAMS Tampa to me, came on.
Then, double…OMG, cuz it played TWICE.
It has a darkened peacefulness to me. When I heard it for one of the very first times…
I was told, it was a friend’s song for her brother who was going to jail, for a very long time
I dunno. When I hear the song, that’s the moment I think about.
(lyrics at bottom of entry, you’ll see how fitting the song is.)
I don’t know what plane I’m on
or what I’ve done to “deserve” such “powers”
but it’s like, if something strikes my heart…some form of it materializes.
Do you get where I’m coming from?
It’s like, when you are painting, racing, writing or doing anything you are passionate about
and in “the zone.”
That spot when you are on fire, nothing can stop you and things just fall effortlessly into place.
This is where I’m at, whenever I’m flowing with life.
Every person, every moment, every distraction, every delay…
has a purpose.
I know it may sound cliché, but it’s true.
One sec, a left instead of a right, should I go, shouldn’t I go…
should I talk to this person, should I not.
There are so many facets in our everyday and, I believe, with awareness of our mind, our actions and
our surroundings we have the power to make our lives sparkle.
Yes, if you’ve been following, I definitely have my dark moments…
but that’s because I take on too much. I don’t live for me, I live for “my world.”
I literally, and by choice, put “the weight of MY world, on my shoulders.”
Only a handful of the thousands of people in my life, know exactly what I’m talking about.
And even then, they probably know about 80%.
Cuz I’m not one to talk or share, MY problems, but sometimes it is necessary for others
to understand you more.
Sometimes, it’s not my problem to share, but I make it my problem, to solve.
Over time, I’ve learnt to balance myself. If you start from the beginning of this blog, til today…
you can actually see some of the transformation.
Some of my “shedding” process.
Deal with what you can, NOW.
Do your best, and if your best is not enough, what else is there?
But ALWAYS do your best so in the end, you know, you’ve done your all.
You can’t stress over things you have no control over…
you can just do the best with what you do.
It is my stance that if you can help, then help, however…don’t overextend yourself while doing so.
When you learn to save someone from drowning…
the very first rule (just like oxygen masks in planes)
secure YOUR safety first and THEN, assist those around you.
It makes sense in ALL aspects of life. It is not selfish, it is not thoughtless
I am 32 years old. Can you believe it’s taken me THIS long to hone in on this concept?
For MOST of my life, I’ve exerted my last drop to “save” others.
Within the last…say, 5 years, I’ve finally started to take pieces for me, but still, not fully.
It wasn’t until recently I’ve let go, 100% and given in, to me because I’ve learnt
to be of use, I must be alive, well, balanced and secure.
Everything I do in my life, has a purpose and sometimes, I blast through things, just to get
them out the way so I can hurry on to my next “stage.”
Traveling, as I’ve said before feels more like a “duty” or “work.”
I strategically map out my future footsteps so I can see all the ones I love, splashed around the globe.
It does get exhausting, but they mean a lot to me and it’s my way of expressing how much they do.
I’m planning to finish ALL of Europe in the next few months, while I’m on this side of the Atlantic.
When I go into my next phase of life, I don’t want any…”Oh, I wish I could go there, do that, etc”
Even though my life looks sporadic and unplanned…
I do have my calculations.
My roads just aren’t militant and one way.
This was cute, I totally don’t remember it, but I stumbled upon it while looking through old tagged pics.
Like, really? Are you SURE?!?!?!
My expression here is like, “Oh boy. You SO don’t know what you’ve just gotten yourself into!!!” HA HA
I have certain goals in my heart, that will never go away.
If I ever attain them, or even come close…
remains in the eyes of the future
but every day…I accomplish something positive…I brighten people’s lives…
and inspire someone.
All in all, if that is my accomplishment at the end of this lifetime
“I’m cool with that.”
However, that doesn’t mean I’m quenching the FLAMES of my desire to TAKE DOWN a world I don’t believe in.
I’m here, to fight.
For me, you are only as good as your intentions for actions are sometimes fake and with
a hidden purpose. You yourself, know what’s truly lying within.
When you look inside, are you happy with what you see?
If not, change it.
Be of use to the world, not a waste.
Thanks, I’d appreciate it.
Change the world for the better with the power of POSITIVE and PURE Mind Ripples.
Actions start from the mind, so use it.
This happened yesterday. I don’t look at the time often.
But yeah, something’s telling me…the journey with the association to these numbers (321)
ain’t over yet. Oh Future, what in the hell do you have in store for me!!!!!!!!!!!
(Incase you’ve just started following: http://365dazeofyou.com/2012/03/29/the-numbers-game-and-bahamian-recording-artist-the-scrumptious-alex-242/)
You’re Not Alone lyrics
In a way, it’s all a matter of time
I will not worry for you, You’ll be just fine
Take my thoughts with you, and when you look behind
You will surely see a face that you recognize
You’re not alone, I’ll wait till the end of time
Open your mind, Surely it’s plain to see
You’re not alone, I’ll wait till the end of time for you
Open your mind, Surely there’s time to be with me
It is the distance, that makes life a little hard
Two minds that once were close, Now so many miles apart
I will not falter though, I’ll hold on till you’re home
Safely back where you belong, And see how our love has grown.
Abdul Sattar Edhi, (Urdu: عبد الستار ایدھی, Gujarati: અબ્દુલ સત્તાર ઇદી) – 84, gave up everything to devote his life to helping Pakistan’s poorest. From standing on the foot paths to beg for the poor, to establishing Pakistan’s biggest network of shelter homes and ambulance service, here is the selfless journey of a true living saint.
THE BIGGEST NETWORK!
I hope in my very near future I can begin to help better the world around me in as grand a scale as he.
(BIGGER, actually. MUCH BIGGER)
Before I even knew that is was.
Not like kids today that are exposed to everything at such a young age.
However, maybe it’s good I didn’t “discover” myself until later on in life…
cuz, I’m a terror as it is. Imagine if I got an early start to it!
She just posted a pic, a mutual friend tagged me and now we’re FB friends.
This is Susan. She used to work for my mom and babysit me.
CUTIE!!!! No?!?!!? Susan, not me.
I have a GREAT mom, don’t I?
She’s one of the few hotties that have ever worked for my parents I didn’t hook up with.
And well, judging by my age below, that’s a GOOD thing.
No need for any pedos in my sweet, little life. Thank you.
This was the “No picture” years. I went from ABSOLUTELY f-in adorable
to “OMG, Louis…no pi’tcha.”
well, what I am today.
Everyone has those awkward years, no?
My mom made sure the world didn’t know her daughter had them…
And WTF’s up with my shoe?
It’s funny all the butterflies and smiles I get just by looking at this pic.
I don’t really have memories, but the emotional reactions are still alive and well!
Bet this comes as a shocker to you (Susan), or maybe not.
But, this picture instantly ZAPPED me back to that time…and I just realized it myself!
Awwwwwwwww. You were my first crush. How damn cute.
You’ve just added a buncha haters to your list!
infinitesimal (adj)– Immeasurably or incalculably minute
I learnt this word when I was 14.
I wanted the PERFECT word to describe my uncle’s DICK
cuz of the one he was.
Only someone with a magnificently SMALL member could be such an egotistical, controlling
and verbally abusive, asshole.
I spent one year with my aunt, uncle and cousin.
When summer came and I managed to “escape” my aunt found the diary I kept
which included plans of killing my uncle.
(along with NOT the greatest of things about most of the household)
** Deserved, trust me. I’m not a bitch. They’re just mentally “OFF” **
With an imaginary gun I never placed thought on “HOW to get.”
I just knew I wanted to shoot him.
(Can you tell I don’t do well with folk giving me undeserved “meanness?”)
I’m the sweetest person you’ll ever come across, just don’t fuck with me
Cuz I KNOW…I DON’T DESERVE IT.
I imagined myself on the corner of the street before the house, in the bush, shooting him as he
drove by and then running back to the house and jumping back into bed.
It was nothing but a thought.
Never went further than that…but it made me smile
and that, at the time, was good enough.
((Wow, going back to the picture…as this was SO not even on my mind when I started this entry…
WHY paint something SOOOOOO small? Was it so it wouldn’t be so, tasteless? Pornographic? What?
Better just to put a leaf or cloth on the sucker. Jeez.))
Don’t you think?