A Death in the Chan Family

22 Nov

I woke up this morning, just like 30 minutes ago.
I was laying on the couch and heard Nelson breathing.
But it was weird.
It was like he was gasping for air.
I went over to his cage and his head was bobbing and tilting back.

I watched him.

Watched him die.


Slowly, slowly his head curved back and down til he fell on his back.
I felt so helpless.
My dad’s had him since I was 11.
We never had a very good relationship, as he didn’t like women.

He used to always try and attack my mother and I
so we’ve never had a very close relationship.
More like a sibling rivalry.
Parrots are supposed to live a long time.
I thought the sucker was gonna out-live my parents.

I never thought I’d see this day.

My dad’s home.

He’s crying his eyes out.
I’ve never seen my father cry, at least, not like this.
He’s holding him now and wailing.


Gucci’s most likely next.

My dad just changed everything in his cage yesterday too.
He loves his animals.
My dad’s like me, HUGE heart.
My body’s in shock.

It was so unexpected.
But, that’s death, isn’t it?
Death, accidents…

they don’t usually happen on “schedule” do they?

I hate seeing my dad sad.
He’s sitting on a chair outside by the cage with the parrot in his arms.
It’s been an empty week for my father as well because his parents are on a cruise.
He told me that he gets so used to speaking to them everyday
that he feels an emptiness not being able to call and talk to them.
He told me, the other day, that he wakes up crying sometimes because he dreams
that they are gone.

I wish I didn’t have to see Nelson’s last moments.
But I’m glad I was here to be there for my dad.

And it’s in these type of moments, that what happened between you and I
is almost a blessing

because I used to always run away from my parents
and now, at 30 something years of age

I find it harder and harder to leave their side.




Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Death, Family


Tags: , ,

3 responses to “A Death in the Chan Family

  1. michele

    November 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

    This made me soooooooooooo sad, thinking of your fantastically beautiful father crying, please squeeze him extra tight for me. Love him soooooooooooooooo much.

  2. Glass Macushla

    November 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Oh nooooo… Please give Louis a big hug… xoxoxoxo


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