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Monthly Archives: November 2011

Losing Patience with Loved Ones

After being “not-so-patient” with my mother
I tried to understand

WHY?

Why do certain things irritate me to where I’m weak at controlling my responses?
I’m trying to be more loving, patient and kind to my mother.
It DOESN’T come naturally.

Well, in some ways, yes – cuz I’m a loving person – but there’s something
hidden under the subconscious that has me snapping.

And I’ve just figured out what it is!

EUREKA baby!

She hurt me.

When I was younger, I allowed her hurtful words to get at me
and that part of me still exists
and tries to fight my desires to be the “good” while mending our relationship.

 She’s gotten “better?” over the years.
Maybe age has softened up her sharp, heartless and villainous tongue.

I also started thinking about others I have a short patience with
who’s mere existence sometimes sparks a crawling irritation in me

and, yep

it’s the same.
They’ve hurt me/mistreated me at some point in my life.

I know what I’m worth and I know I give my best.
I don’t deserve to be “bitten”
Unless upon request.
(Hey, I’m rhyming. I should start a poem.)

🙂

Once you damage 100%, it’ll never be, 100%
Those that know they’ve done wrong, know it and will forever kick their asses
cuz I’m naturally never the same.

I’ll never be the 100% they once had.

One can forgive and forget, but a taint still lingers whether we want it to or not.
So, choose your words and actions wisely

cuz you may forever change a beautiful thing.

Imperfection in a bond is created
when you don’t appreciate and act accordingly when presented with the perfection of love.

Ya feel me?
🙂

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Family, Life

 

I’m Going to Open a Crackhouse!

In a land which has built itself up with histories such as bootlegging, drug dealing and human trafficking
I guess it’s safe NOT to expect nothing more of its present day.

The other day, I accompanied someone to the City Market plaza in Lucaya.
We approached a location with blacked out windows.
The doors are always locked.
You need to be buzzed in.
Once in, there’s a wall and a sign that says:

“No children beyond this point”

(Mind you, this is “supposed” to be an internet cafe)

However, there are no computers.
Just tellers behind tinted glass.

It’s a numbers business with the name “Chances.”
New Image and RH Culmer
are also connected to the same “business.”

“RH” – Rum Headquarters.

Was so easy to find out info.
It’s “common” knowledge among locals…

So…..HOW in the HELL is an ILLEGAL business have STORES now??
Like the damn police don’t know.

PSSSSSHHHT!

Yes, it IS Better in the Bahamas.

The land of corruption, drugs and illegal activity.
No wonder you can find so many “entitled” attitudes…

The country’s “spoiling” their “children” by letting them run rampant

Corruption breeds corruption faster than it eradicates it.

So…

Why don’t we just hop off our Christian Council High Horse and just
legalize “Numbers” (the Lotto)
so the country can gain and hopefully pull itself up and out of its financial conundrum?

The Catholic Church (raffle) does it, so why shouldn’t a “Christian” nation?

🙂

So, with this…

I’ve decided to open up a crackhouse.

Question now is:

Location, location, location!

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Alcohol & Drugs, Bahamas

 

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My Day in Church…and No One Got Hurt or Struck by Lightning.

My Godchild Tre’Jah getting her blessings.
(However, to me, looked more like they were about to sacrifice her in offering to the Gods.)

What we do to those who fall asleep in church.

Rockin’ the church hats.

The pamphlet to a VERY, VERY long sermon.
VERY.
I think I’ve made my church-going quota for the next 5 years!
(The lyrics…”And it goes on, and on and on…….” played through my head for hours. Yes, HOURS!)

Mommy and daddy having a lovey dovey moment.
Or, maybe daddy was just catchin’ a few Zzzzzzzzzzz’s.

The newest rugrat to the Chan roster.
We’ve got to work on her contact with the lens. The girl looks everywhere BUT the camera.

Went to church and lived to tell about it.
Whoa.
Life gets more and more shocking as everyday melts into another yesterday!

😛

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Bahamas

 

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Naked Greetings

So yesterday…was it yesterday?
What day is it today?
Aye.

I’m up too early.
I laid by the pool for a bit, on what I think was yesterday.
No one was home.

I was about to hop into the shower, but forgot a towel.
I figured I’d use the one I laid out in, which I left in the livingroom.
As I grabbed it, I hear a “Hi Cara!”

Holy-mutha-fuckin’-shit!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

It was our family friend/pilot Jim and his girlfriend visiting from Daytona.
LOVELY!
Absa-fuckin-lootely

lovely.

Wrapped the towel around me as fast as I could and jolted to the bathroom.
Took my quickie little shower then came out to have a more clothed encounter.
(Maybe if she were cute, I’d have stayed around…sin ropa)
🙂

Went to watch the Muppets…yeah, no. No kids.
LOL

Hey, it’s the MUPPETS!!!!
Twas, ok. Nothing to rant and rave about.
Then, WASN’T going to do anything MAJOR

however, an “early” night turned into a 2AM one.
LAWD.

However, was pretty damn fab cuz I got to see MANY MANY more people I haven’t yet seen since I’ve
returned. YAY!

Some VERY VERY special ones.
Mmmmmmm.

For your eyes and ears we’ll just keep things at that.
🙂

I’ve been up since 8AM.
Was slightly restless cuz I needed to find something to wear today.
I’m going to CHURCH!
AAAAAACK!

Warn the masses!

I’m becoming a Godmother today.
😛

My wardrobe is splashed between
here, the Dominican Republic, Trinidad, Mexico, Holland and Florida
so I never really know what I have til I look.
(And rummage)

Found something.
Yay!!! Half the battle is complete.
Now I gotta find out where the damn church is!

With that said, I better run.

Hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving weekend my love.
xoxoxo

 
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Posted by on November 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Birthday Girls, Bubble Bees and Murderers…….

Sorry baby.
Been really busy. I know, I know, I missed an entry yesterday.
Came home and passed out.
Didn’t have the strength or sobriety in me to write anything worth posting.

🙂

I gotta hop in the shower and head out now.
My Colombiana needs me.

Here are some pics from the past few days.

Hope you’re having a BEAUTIFUL weekend!!!

xoxoxo

Birthday Girl

The night before. Being accosted by some of my Polish Mafia.

More Team Poland.
Help, I’m surrounded!!!!!!!!

Anita being a GOOD friend. Yes baby, POOR the BUBBLY!!!!

The Romanian and Colombian connection.

A bee my mother SMUSHED with a napkin cuz it flew into her cake.
😦

It didn’t survive.
My mother’s a MURDERER!

Good friends Natalie and Owen who just happened to be lunchin’ at the yacht club as well.
🙂

Owen, contact momma!

Video of the bee rescue.
R.I.P.

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2011 in Alcohol & Drugs, Bahamas, Pictures

 

Got Time for a Quickie?

I gotta run.
I promised Indy I’d go to her house early before the other dinner guests start to flood in.
Got a sweet hour and a half by the pool.
Need to top up the color before the European winter wipes it away.

Nelson’s cage is next to the sliding door.
😦

I kinda almost forgot he was gone until I saw the empty cage.
As I laid out by the pool, tears began to sweep down my face.

I began to wonder, what thoughts were running through his head as he began to fade.
Was he scared?
Did he feel alone?
Did it hurt?

It just goes to show you, you never know.
All this time I’ve been worrying about Gucci

and Nelson was the one to go.

I feel bad. All his life, I wished that he liked me
cuz then, I could play with him more and keep him company.

The only time he’s ever really come to me, is ONCE when I had to save the sucker when he flew into the canal.
(He was on the boat at the time)

I hope, if he were ever sad or lonely
that he’s finally found peace.

I dunno.
I’d never get a bird and just cage him up.
Or, I’d get love birds so they could keep each other company

AND

get LAID every now and again.

😛

Speaking of DEAD birds…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Right, time to go!!!

INDY!!!

YA VOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Butterflies, Dragonflies and Blue Eyes

(On my trip to Mexico)

Today, in an area with highways, buildings and construction, I was suddenly surrounded by a beautiful blend of butterflies and dragonflies. What do you think that means? They delicately danced around me, floating weightlessly and at a comfortable distance; not intruding in on my space.

Remember when mom died and everywhere we went, we saw yellow butterflies?

Her favorite?

 

I live on the top floor of my building, so for a moment, as it was just me, I felt lifted into a bubble of air and transported within the space they existed; just them and I, lighter than feathers.

 

The entire experience, which may have lasted no more than 30 seconds, had me smiling and thinking of you.

It’s been 12 years, since our first kiss and 8, since my heart became yours…

like a tattoo…

 

forever.

 

  

If everything, as they say, happens for a reason, let’s see if the sum of everything that pulled us apart, will eventually bring us back together.

 

Until then…

I push

I run

I hide

and (subconsciously I know) I wait.

 

 

Like Sinead O’Connor sang, years ago…NOTHING compares.

Living for your happiness and surrounded by your love, smiles, laughter and arms…

Fueled the best in me and for 8 years, I’ve been running. Running away, from the emptiness that lurks around random corners, pouncing on me when I least expect it. It is in these moments, I wish the most to dissolve. Stop, DROP, exhale and dissolve back into US. 

 

You are the only destination I’ve found so far that brings me everlasting peace and, even if for just one day, I’d give everything I have to visit you

 

because when I had nothing, I had everything…

 

I had you.

 

 

 

I love you, my blue eyes.

Always, always and always.